Our bodies tell our stories. They carry with them our joy, struggles, and resilience. When we experience trauma or illness, whether it’s surgery, chronic pain, or emotional wounds, the relationship with our bodies can become affected. Your relationship with your body may now feel distant, complicated, or even painful. But here’s the truth: pleasure isn’t just for when things are “perfect.” Pleasure can be a profound healer, acting as a catalyst that allows you to reconnect and reclaim your mind/body connection, your wholeness.
If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your body after a difficult experience, this post is for you. Healing is personal, nonlinear, complex and deeply individual. But pleasure—whether physical or emotional —can act as powerful guide on the path to the journey back to yourself.
1. Permission to Feel Again
Trauma and illness often leave us feeling like our bodies are something to endure rather than enjoy. We can find ourselves disconnecting from our bodies when we are in pain or discomfort as a way to survive the experience. Perhaps you feel like your body betrayed you, that you have lost authority over it, or that your body feels foreign to you. To move forward, you are going to have to learn how to fully inhabit your body again. Take pressure off yourself to experience your body in the same way you used to, instead look for a new way to inhabit your body that is congruent with your present reality. No doubt, this can be challenging.
The first step in healing through pleasure is giving yourself permission to feel again—without judgment, without expectation. That’s it. As small a step as this is, it can be scary at first. Don’t rush yourself, ease into it. You may have to repeatedly remind yourself of this permission. Every time you feel yourself disconnecting from your body, remind yourself that it is safe to feel again and challenge yourself to take up space in your body and remain present.
2. Redefining Pleasure on Your Terms
Pleasure doesn’t have to mean sex. In fact, pleasure is so much more than sex. Pleasure can be found all around us. It can be the warmth of the sun on your skin, the silkiness of your sheets, or the feeling of a soft blanket wrapped around you. It can be the sound of laughter or music, the way something tastes, enjoying the way a stretch makes your body feel, the way perfume smells or seeing the faces of people you love. Pleasure can be found using all the 5 senses. Make it regular practice to be present in your body and alert to your senses. Touch base with all of your 5 senses regularly and take note of what brings you pleasure. Take time to explore what feels good to you in this moment—without pressure, without comparison, just curiosity. Curiosity is a strong ally in your journey to overcoming any mind/body blocks you may be experiencing because curiosity makes room for discovery.
3. Gentle Exploration with Your Senses
If reconnecting with sexual pleasure feels overwhelming, start with sensuality. While they often go hand in hand, sensuality doesn’t have to be sexual. Piggybacking on the previous exercise of finding pleasure through your senses, now make a purposeful effort to surround yourself with those things that bring your senses pleasure. What scents do you enjoy? Buy candles in that sent. What textures bring you joy? Dress yourself in those textures as often as possible. What music do you enjoy? Play that music. What color combinations do you like to look at? Decorate with those colors. Use your environment to play to your senses. Make the spaces you inhabit little oases of pleasure. By doing this, you are consciously choosing to awaken your senses and nurture your receptiveness to pleasure.
4. Self-Touch as Self-Love
Your touch is powerful. Whether it’s placing a hand over your heart, exploring different sensations with your fingertips, or rediscovering erogenous zones. Self-touch is a radical act of self-care.
You can choose to start with non-sexual touch, slow self-massage, or even just run your fingers through your hair. If you find self-touch daunting, start with the less challenging areas of your body. Take your time. There is no need to rush. Allow yourself to truly feel your own touch, grounding yourself in your body. During this practice emotions can arise. That’s ok. Let the emotions happen, ride them like a wave, being mindful to not judge them. You can and should take time after the exercise to process what feelings might have come up for you. While some of the actions taken during this exercise might feel small, they can be meaningful steps to start reconnecting with yourself.
If sex toys are part of your healing journey, start with ones designed for body-safe pleasure, that are pleasing to look at and have a texture you enjoy. Honor this act of self-care by selecting toys that reflect the scaredness of your healing ritual.
5. Reclaiming Intimacy (If and When You’re Ready)
If you’re healing in a partnered relationship, communication is key. Share what feels good, what feels off-limits, and what kind of touch you’re open to exploring. There’s no timeline, no rush—only what feels right for you. And if intimacy feels distant right now, know that small moments of connection like holding hands, cuddling, or even just sharing laughter are just as meaningful.
If traditional intercourse isn’t something you’re ready for but you would still like to explore a form of intimacy with your partner, you could give sensory play a try. This type of play will be complimentary to any exploration of your senses that you have been doing on your own. With this exercise, you and your partner will take turns being blind-folded. While one partner is blind-folded, the other partner engages the senses of the blind-folded partner. This exercise is a fun way to interact intimately and sensually with your partner without the added pressure of traditional intercourse. Here are some ideas of how to engage the senses of your blind-folded partner:
Taste: Feed your partner something small and sweet. Maybe a selection of candy or fruit you know that they’ll enjoy. You could place drops of wine or chocolate syrup on their lips for them to lick off. Allow them to take their time and explore the flavors you present them with.
Sound: Play music your partner will find enjoyable or whisper sweet nothings in their ears.
Feel: Tease your partner’s skin with feathers, ice or a Wartenberg wheel. Mix it up to keep them guessing. You could give a massage with scented oil or choose to explore sensation (lightly and playfully) with a crop.
During this exercise, provide feedback to your partner about what feels good and where. Laugh when something tickles, wince when you feel something cold, moan in enjoyment if it feels right. Approach this exercise with playfulness and curiosity. Allow yourself to have fun. This exercise isn’t about being sexy, it’s about connection with your partner and your body.
6. Celebrating Your Body as It Is Now
Your body is not broken. It is worthy of pleasure, deserving of love, and capable of joy—exactly as it is. Whether you’re adjusting to scars, changes in anatomy, changes in sensitivity, or defining a new relationship with your body, remember: pleasure is yours to define, to claim, and to enjoy.
Mouring how your body used to be is perfectly natural and a vital part of the healing process. If you aren’t in a place to celebrate your body yet, that’s O.K. Don’t rush things.
Celebrating your body might not seem natural at first. You may find that it’s a muscle that you have to work that will get stronger in time. Or maybe you find that you can only celebrate certain parts of your body when you begin the process. That works too. Healing is complicated, non-linear and looks different for everyone.
Healing through pleasure isn’t about “fixing” yourself—it’s about remembering that you were never broken in the first place. During the course of our lifetimes our relationship with our body is bound change and just like other relationships, a healthy relationship with your body might take some work at times. So take a breath, tune into your body, and let yourself feel. You deserve it.
Shop our Healing Collection for tools to help you along your journey today.
